Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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