Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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