To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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