South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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