The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize