Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
