I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
