soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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