Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
