You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
