Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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