if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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