This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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