hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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