I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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