make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
