have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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