why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize