I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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