I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
