there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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