the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
