just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
