Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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