And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
