btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
