I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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