I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
