I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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