After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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