i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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