Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
