By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
