i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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