right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
