Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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