I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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