Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
