Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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