yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
