Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Porn is love you can see.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
