i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
