the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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