Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
