I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
