Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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