Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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