Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
