My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
