I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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