Your face is a jimmy john
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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