So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
