i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
