The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize