I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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