I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
