My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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