He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
