She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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