I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
