Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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