So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
