By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
