Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
