he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
