I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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