Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
