tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
