These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
