omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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