i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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