I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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