tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
