the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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