I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
