there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize